This explains the fundamental thought processes behind my wife and I's buying habits perfectly. I grew up living in the same house my entire childhood and I err on the side of hoarder; she grew up moving houses every 1-2 years and errs on the side of minimalist. This led to a lot of frustration in the beginning of our marriage when it came to material possessions, but I really think we both have finally come to a healthy middle ground by learning from each other. Also, I made a lot of money when I opened my eBay store to sell collectables, which made both of us very happy. Haha. I feel so much better after systematically getting rid of and selling things I never used. And she feels better because I encourage her to buy things that could absolutely improve her quality of life! Sharing this article with her, thank you!!
Ha. This is awesome. My wife and I are similar. She's way more orderly, and clutter stresses her out. I'm the opposite, where I'm so focused on a big task (e.g., writing a book) that clutter piles up and the thought of clearing it, which takes time away from working on the big task, stresses me out. So we've had to find a balance. Our solution is that 90% of our house looks like a museum, and I'm great with that. My office, on the other hand, is typically totally out of order because it's my work space.
When my first wife passed away, I emptied out her closet (large walk in). There were many items with tags still on them. I don’t want to leave the same exercise to my children when I am gone. Since I retired, I assessed my belongings (stuff vs gear). I found I was over stuffed…literally. So I have gone room by room eliminating stuff and I still have too much stuff. So I will repeat the exercise again and eliminate more stuff. My current wife is a big believer in donating to charities that serve women and children so that is where much of it goes.
My Amazon shopping tip is to put something in your cart, leave it for a few days, and then reassess the need.
i have read all sorts of books on minimalism (the minimalists, joshua becker, marie kondo) and while i have embraced it's principles and concepts, could never fully go on board with all of their recommendations. this article here may explain why that is the case for me! i never imagined that minimalism could show similar signs as that of a hoarder! now i feel glad i didn't jump on that bandwagon.
This was so interesting! I definitely struggle with disorder (at home and in life) but for me, having less stuff = less disorder and more calm, especially with 2 young kids. Great article!
This reminds me of something I read very early in my parenting journey: Every behavior stems from a need.
I think it was in the book Uniquely Human—which I highly recommend to anyone parenting an autistic child.
It's a helpful heuristic for my own behavior, too, and if I can pause long enough to consider the need I'm attempting to fulfil by [insert behavior such as shopping], then I have a better chance of evaluating what I'm doing with a little more clarity.
Super helpful post and guiding questions, Michael.
I really "got" this idea when reporting the addiction chapter of Scarcity Brain. Even our worst behaviors (ones that don't make sense to others) fulfill a short-term need. These behaviors only become "bad" when they hurt us in the long-run.
Hiking and camping gear are exempt. It has a dual purpose both out in the woods and at home (power outages, family / friend backyard sleepovers, unplugging from technology). And any other home usage I cannot think of right now.
I have two kids (5 and 8) and they are whirlwinds of wonderful unpredictable chaos. So it helps to have less to manage on the physical front in our house. I really try to stay on top of what is allowed into the house and assessing when things need to leave. I don’t want to be owned by my things. But certain possessions are amazing and money can buy happiness. I have a very nice coat I bought during the pandemic that looks almost like a sleeping bag and I have taken long walks when it is -21F and every-time I put it on I’m stoked.
Just was listening to Scarcity Brain on early morning commute and was surprised to hear Michael quote our nice from Australia! Great book with lots of insight!
My purchasing during the pandemic was ridiculous. At least 7 guitars, countless (almost literally) guitar pedals, several amps, two bespoke cabinets to contains said amps and pedals, a Van Moof electric bike, an Orange mountain bike, an awful lot of clothes, gym equipment…. I spent tens of thousands. All I’ve been doing in the past 6mths is getting rid of it all because there’s too much shit lying about the house and garage that funnily enough, I don’t have time to use. My main learning has been ‘my guitar playing does not improve the more guitars I own’.
Funny, I think you could apply the same logic you described in eating to purchasing. When you feel the urge to purchase, write a log describing your emotions at the time.
This explains the fundamental thought processes behind my wife and I's buying habits perfectly. I grew up living in the same house my entire childhood and I err on the side of hoarder; she grew up moving houses every 1-2 years and errs on the side of minimalist. This led to a lot of frustration in the beginning of our marriage when it came to material possessions, but I really think we both have finally come to a healthy middle ground by learning from each other. Also, I made a lot of money when I opened my eBay store to sell collectables, which made both of us very happy. Haha. I feel so much better after systematically getting rid of and selling things I never used. And she feels better because I encourage her to buy things that could absolutely improve her quality of life! Sharing this article with her, thank you!!
Ha. This is awesome. My wife and I are similar. She's way more orderly, and clutter stresses her out. I'm the opposite, where I'm so focused on a big task (e.g., writing a book) that clutter piles up and the thought of clearing it, which takes time away from working on the big task, stresses me out. So we've had to find a balance. Our solution is that 90% of our house looks like a museum, and I'm great with that. My office, on the other hand, is typically totally out of order because it's my work space.
When my first wife passed away, I emptied out her closet (large walk in). There were many items with tags still on them. I don’t want to leave the same exercise to my children when I am gone. Since I retired, I assessed my belongings (stuff vs gear). I found I was over stuffed…literally. So I have gone room by room eliminating stuff and I still have too much stuff. So I will repeat the exercise again and eliminate more stuff. My current wife is a big believer in donating to charities that serve women and children so that is where much of it goes.
My Amazon shopping tip is to put something in your cart, leave it for a few days, and then reassess the need.
i have read all sorts of books on minimalism (the minimalists, joshua becker, marie kondo) and while i have embraced it's principles and concepts, could never fully go on board with all of their recommendations. this article here may explain why that is the case for me! i never imagined that minimalism could show similar signs as that of a hoarder! now i feel glad i didn't jump on that bandwagon.
This was so interesting! I definitely struggle with disorder (at home and in life) but for me, having less stuff = less disorder and more calm, especially with 2 young kids. Great article!
This reminds me of something I read very early in my parenting journey: Every behavior stems from a need.
I think it was in the book Uniquely Human—which I highly recommend to anyone parenting an autistic child.
It's a helpful heuristic for my own behavior, too, and if I can pause long enough to consider the need I'm attempting to fulfil by [insert behavior such as shopping], then I have a better chance of evaluating what I'm doing with a little more clarity.
Super helpful post and guiding questions, Michael.
This is a fantastic point. I totally agree.
I really "got" this idea when reporting the addiction chapter of Scarcity Brain. Even our worst behaviors (ones that don't make sense to others) fulfill a short-term need. These behaviors only become "bad" when they hurt us in the long-run.
This exact point was made my Dr Gabor Mante on a podcast I was listening too today!
Hiking and camping gear are exempt. It has a dual purpose both out in the woods and at home (power outages, family / friend backyard sleepovers, unplugging from technology). And any other home usage I cannot think of right now.
It's gear if you use it and it improves your life! :)
Hunting gear doesn't count though right Michael? lol
Haha! Does hunting improve your life? Yes. Do you need the gear to do it? Yes. Sounds like gear to me!
Of course, be careful not to buy new stuff every season because hunting gear lasts a *long* time.
I have two kids (5 and 8) and they are whirlwinds of wonderful unpredictable chaos. So it helps to have less to manage on the physical front in our house. I really try to stay on top of what is allowed into the house and assessing when things need to leave. I don’t want to be owned by my things. But certain possessions are amazing and money can buy happiness. I have a very nice coat I bought during the pandemic that looks almost like a sleeping bag and I have taken long walks when it is -21F and every-time I put it on I’m stoked.
Just was listening to Scarcity Brain on early morning commute and was surprised to hear Michael quote our nice from Australia! Great book with lots of insight!
My purchasing during the pandemic was ridiculous. At least 7 guitars, countless (almost literally) guitar pedals, several amps, two bespoke cabinets to contains said amps and pedals, a Van Moof electric bike, an Orange mountain bike, an awful lot of clothes, gym equipment…. I spent tens of thousands. All I’ve been doing in the past 6mths is getting rid of it all because there’s too much shit lying about the house and garage that funnily enough, I don’t have time to use. My main learning has been ‘my guitar playing does not improve the more guitars I own’.
Funny, I think you could apply the same logic you described in eating to purchasing. When you feel the urge to purchase, write a log describing your emotions at the time.
Does it spark Joy ? Hell yeah! or discard
Reminds when the queen of spark joy, decided to setup a store selling organizational products that have passed through her test.