In March 2024, my husband and I decided to start a monthly potluck series we titled "Connect/Disconnect" (C/DC). We meet the fourth Saturday of each month.
We had been talking a lot about two themes- The first being community and building friendships. Being farmers is definitely our lives' passions; we love tending the earth, feeling so in alignment with our day to day "work," and having something so tangible and nourishing to involve ourselves in daily. The only downside is that it can also lead to a bit of isolation due to the high needs of the farm during growing season. Every year, we work on creating a farm life that is more and more joyful. And we know one way is to stay connected to the people we really care about. The second theme we had been ruminating on is utilizing technology, screens, and electricity less. Running a business can lead to our phones being stuck to us far more often than it should be and is necessary. We are seeking better boundaries. Our farmer friends told us about how they have "dark evenings" where they turn off all technology, light candles, play games, read, etc. The simple act of disconnecting in order to connect.
Thus, my husband and I decided to finally act on our needs and desires and contemplations and start Connect/Disconnect. Our goal was to have a monthly potluck that were focused on community, ease, story-telling, and real life connection.
We borrowed advice from "The Art of Gathering" and set two ground rules-
1. No cell phones (they must remain in the car or at home
2. Homemade potluck food only (if you are in a pinch, come and eat without feeling obligated to buy something at the store)
We just hit our one year anniversary and C/DC Potluck have been so wholesome, so just what we needed. We have about 75 people on our email list and about 20-30 come every month. We hold them outside around a fire rain or shine (we have a covered barn for dishing out of).
The best part is- people who didn't initially know each other now meet up on the side. And no cell phones makes for non-distracted conversations; sometimes hilarious, sometimes serious.
Back in 2018, I met a group of people online in a college sports forum. That interaction grew into a dedicated WhatsApp chat that centered around games, both in person and watching on TV, and eating at the Texas Monthly BBQ top 50 (Burnt Bean in Seguin! Road trip to Lockhart, Truth BBQ, and much more).
During COVID we would have Friday Night Online Poker, someone would set up a Zoom and we would be playing online poker until the wee hours of the morning.
Now we have seen a couple of the guys get married, some have kids and buy homes and we still get together in the watch and attend games Baseball and Football.
I can report that back in the day, there were very, very few deadheads wearing Rolex’s. :-)
I used to more hopeful about the internet and its ability to create online communities (even wrote a Masters thesis about it). Unfortunately 2% and others like it are more the exception than the rule.
We just moved halfway across the country and I remarked to my husband that I didn't know anyone within a 1,000 miles. Your post made me realize I should find a Dead tribute band to go see. It's the best place to strike up a conversation and I might even make a friend.
I have been fortunate to be a music festival junkie for the past 20+ years. I worked in the outdoor specialty gear market and traveled the SE. I would book out my festival calendar first, then fill in events I could attend for my dealer base and spent 200 days a year traveling. I have found MUSIC to be one of the best mediums for connection, especially around bands like Donna the Buffalo, the late John Prine, Billy Strings, Leftover Salmon, and a slew of other great bands.
I’m just not a belonging person. When I read “Scarcity Brain” and came across “unsocial” I said “Finally, there are people like me”. Not incapable of the interaction, just would rather not. Have the support structures I need, can interact when required, never lonely, just would prefer to be alone.
It gets old reading about what is put forward as an absolute healthy requirement on par with diet, exercise and sleep.
I definitely think it's a spectrum. I require more social interactions than my husband. We live rurally, and I'm ok going about 3 days without any human interactions (no tv or audiobooks either, like zero connection to humans). I think he could easily go 7+.
I think for me, it's less the constant need for social interactions, but just knowing that we have a good strong community that would support us if we need. Maybe it's like... my primal response to feeling contentment and safety? Do you ever feel like that? Or are you very content without many relations? I think its fascinating how we can all differ. I also wonder if me being female and you being male (im assuming male based on your name alone, correct me if I'm wrong) also changes our social needs?
I just don’t need a lot of interaction with other people. I’m male, almost 70. Been married 45 years. She’s also a low interaction person. Grown kids that are out of the house but we talk with and see regularly. I spent my career traveling globally, working with customers, presenting at conferences, etc. Lots of interaction. But I always found I had to psych myself up each day and then recover at days end.
For any dudes out there looking for a social group, every other Wednesday check out thedudechat.com which is rooted in social therapeutics. Not here to plug but it’s fitting for this post. ✌🏼💙
I’ve worked from home the last 10 years. Shit gets lonely. This was a great article to read. I just signed up for my first bowling league 😄. I’ve gotta connect more.
Love it. When I was in college I was lucky enough to become friends with a deadhead. We had so many great memories together and got to see the boys together with Jerry a handful of times. I am not the kind of person that will go up to anyone and start a conversation and tend to keep to myself - but if I see someone else with a SYF on I will always talk to them. I have had so many great memories and connections this way. I once had a multi hour long conversation with a new friend about which was the best version of eyes of the world. No, it is not the branford version!
My wife and I still love live music and even when we can't get to shows we watch at least one online every weekend together. I can turn the music on and get to my happy place in minutes.
I have been to a lot of big events - playoff games, world series, big cypress, and nothing will ever give me the same amount of goosebumps as when I saw the dead bust out unbroken chain for the first time ever in the spectrum. They wrote the song in 1974 and played it for the first time in March `95. The place went bonkers. So amazing.
I feel like this is especially important to those of us who are parents as it can be easy to set ourselves aside for our kids. That's important to some extent but, as I keep telling my wife and trying to remind myself, one day all too soon our kids will be off on their own. We owe it to ourselves to maintain some community in the interim so that we are not starting from zero when the nest empties out. We also owe it to our kids to show them that community is important.
In March 2024, my husband and I decided to start a monthly potluck series we titled "Connect/Disconnect" (C/DC). We meet the fourth Saturday of each month.
We had been talking a lot about two themes- The first being community and building friendships. Being farmers is definitely our lives' passions; we love tending the earth, feeling so in alignment with our day to day "work," and having something so tangible and nourishing to involve ourselves in daily. The only downside is that it can also lead to a bit of isolation due to the high needs of the farm during growing season. Every year, we work on creating a farm life that is more and more joyful. And we know one way is to stay connected to the people we really care about. The second theme we had been ruminating on is utilizing technology, screens, and electricity less. Running a business can lead to our phones being stuck to us far more often than it should be and is necessary. We are seeking better boundaries. Our farmer friends told us about how they have "dark evenings" where they turn off all technology, light candles, play games, read, etc. The simple act of disconnecting in order to connect.
Thus, my husband and I decided to finally act on our needs and desires and contemplations and start Connect/Disconnect. Our goal was to have a monthly potluck that were focused on community, ease, story-telling, and real life connection.
We borrowed advice from "The Art of Gathering" and set two ground rules-
1. No cell phones (they must remain in the car or at home
2. Homemade potluck food only (if you are in a pinch, come and eat without feeling obligated to buy something at the store)
We just hit our one year anniversary and C/DC Potluck have been so wholesome, so just what we needed. We have about 75 people on our email list and about 20-30 come every month. We hold them outside around a fire rain or shine (we have a covered barn for dishing out of).
The best part is- people who didn't initially know each other now meet up on the side. And no cell phones makes for non-distracted conversations; sometimes hilarious, sometimes serious.
Steal our idea if it calls to you!
A monthly potluck is such a great idea for fostering community and it's so cool you were able to put something like this together!
Back in 2018, I met a group of people online in a college sports forum. That interaction grew into a dedicated WhatsApp chat that centered around games, both in person and watching on TV, and eating at the Texas Monthly BBQ top 50 (Burnt Bean in Seguin! Road trip to Lockhart, Truth BBQ, and much more).
During COVID we would have Friday Night Online Poker, someone would set up a Zoom and we would be playing online poker until the wee hours of the morning.
Now we have seen a couple of the guys get married, some have kids and buy homes and we still get together in the watch and attend games Baseball and Football.
I hate to admit it, but I graduated high school just as the Grateful Dead were hitting their stride, back when God was a baby!
I can report that back in the day, there were very, very few deadheads wearing Rolex’s. :-)
I used to more hopeful about the internet and its ability to create online communities (even wrote a Masters thesis about it). Unfortunately 2% and others like it are more the exception than the rule.
It’s awesome dudes like you who help make it the exception.
We just moved halfway across the country and I remarked to my husband that I didn't know anyone within a 1,000 miles. Your post made me realize I should find a Dead tribute band to go see. It's the best place to strike up a conversation and I might even make a friend.
I have been fortunate to be a music festival junkie for the past 20+ years. I worked in the outdoor specialty gear market and traveled the SE. I would book out my festival calendar first, then fill in events I could attend for my dealer base and spent 200 days a year traveling. I have found MUSIC to be one of the best mediums for connection, especially around bands like Donna the Buffalo, the late John Prine, Billy Strings, Leftover Salmon, and a slew of other great bands.
I’m just not a belonging person. When I read “Scarcity Brain” and came across “unsocial” I said “Finally, there are people like me”. Not incapable of the interaction, just would rather not. Have the support structures I need, can interact when required, never lonely, just would prefer to be alone.
It gets old reading about what is put forward as an absolute healthy requirement on par with diet, exercise and sleep.
I definitely think it's a spectrum. I require more social interactions than my husband. We live rurally, and I'm ok going about 3 days without any human interactions (no tv or audiobooks either, like zero connection to humans). I think he could easily go 7+.
I think for me, it's less the constant need for social interactions, but just knowing that we have a good strong community that would support us if we need. Maybe it's like... my primal response to feeling contentment and safety? Do you ever feel like that? Or are you very content without many relations? I think its fascinating how we can all differ. I also wonder if me being female and you being male (im assuming male based on your name alone, correct me if I'm wrong) also changes our social needs?
I just don’t need a lot of interaction with other people. I’m male, almost 70. Been married 45 years. She’s also a low interaction person. Grown kids that are out of the house but we talk with and see regularly. I spent my career traveling globally, working with customers, presenting at conferences, etc. Lots of interaction. But I always found I had to psych myself up each day and then recover at days end.
Much better to just do things by myself.
Have fun, don’t die, just keep doing you. (But yeah, I hear you on this.)
For any dudes out there looking for a social group, every other Wednesday check out thedudechat.com which is rooted in social therapeutics. Not here to plug but it’s fitting for this post. ✌🏼💙
One of the trade-offs with WFH is there can be a lack of in person contact, so I'm thankful for this community as well as my Thursday night 🏀 games!
I’ve worked from home the last 10 years. Shit gets lonely. This was a great article to read. I just signed up for my first bowling league 😄. I’ve gotta connect more.
This is excellent and timely
Love it. When I was in college I was lucky enough to become friends with a deadhead. We had so many great memories together and got to see the boys together with Jerry a handful of times. I am not the kind of person that will go up to anyone and start a conversation and tend to keep to myself - but if I see someone else with a SYF on I will always talk to them. I have had so many great memories and connections this way. I once had a multi hour long conversation with a new friend about which was the best version of eyes of the world. No, it is not the branford version!
My wife and I still love live music and even when we can't get to shows we watch at least one online every weekend together. I can turn the music on and get to my happy place in minutes.
I have been to a lot of big events - playoff games, world series, big cypress, and nothing will ever give me the same amount of goosebumps as when I saw the dead bust out unbroken chain for the first time ever in the spectrum. They wrote the song in 1974 and played it for the first time in March `95. The place went bonkers. So amazing.
I feel like this is especially important to those of us who are parents as it can be easy to set ourselves aside for our kids. That's important to some extent but, as I keep telling my wife and trying to remind myself, one day all too soon our kids will be off on their own. We owe it to ourselves to maintain some community in the interim so that we are not starting from zero when the nest empties out. We also owe it to our kids to show them that community is important.
fantastic post!