3 steps to build good habits

A proven and powerful process to reach your goals and change your life.

Aug 26, 2024

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Prepping for a trail running Misogi, which the S-R-O process helped me complete.

Post summary

We’re covering a three-step process that will help you build good habits and break bad ones.
I used it to lose a significant amount of weight before a Misogi.
I’ve since applied the method to other areas of my life and watched the improvements pile up (e.g., strength, work productivity, etc).
You can use the method on any habit you’d like to change—it’ll show you how embracing discomfort in the short term can lead to massive long-term rewards.
We’ll also cover the current problems with how we try to fix bad habits and why memory is the worst resource to use to change.

Housekeeping

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Two spots left for the Don’t Die event.

Audio/podcast version

The post

Today we’ve recruited the wise and powerful Dr. Trevor Kashey1 to share a tactic that helped me clean up my eating and lose weight.

Once I understood the three-part system behind it, I began fixing all sorts of other dumb stuff I did. And my life improved.

It’ll work for you, too—however you want to deploy it.

Our story starts with me—in a closet, alone, eating way too many peanut M&Ms.

Let’s roll …

The life-changing power of S-R-O

Section summary: The situation-response-outcome model allowed me to track my behaviors in real time—setting the stage for better habits.

Years ago, I had a problem. I’d find myself wandering into the pantry at seemingly unpredictable intervals.

I’d stand in there and scan the second shelf—the shelf that holds the good stuff: The Peanut M&Ms, Pop-Tarts, peanut-butter-filled pretzel bites, etc.

This was stuff I’d buy and plan to eat during long outdoor excursions, when calorie-dense foods would help me perform better.

But there I was, in the pantry, like Tweedle-Dumb, eating that food while doing the opposite of a long outdoor excursion.

At the time, I had a Misogi coming up—a far, moonshot run in the desert. I wanted to drop at least ten pounds to relieve the pounding to my knees, boost my endurance, and (fingers crossed) complete the Misogi. And sidling up to the second shelf for a dose of sugar, salt, and fat wasn’t helping.

I’d eat some crap in the pantry. Then I’d later regret it and try to figure out why I ate that crap.

I’d pull from my memory for answers. I’d tell myself things like:

You exercised hard yesterday. Your body probably needed it.

or …

You probably ate slightly less at lunch. You were hungry.

And nothing ever changed.

Then one day I was on a Zoom call with Dr. Kashey, and I mention my snacking problem.

He had a simple suggestion: “Focus less on eating the M&Ms and more on why you go to the pantry and reach for them in the first place. Start observing yourself.”

He suggested I keep a log with my observations separated into three oddly-specific buckets.

Anytime I found myself in the pantry, I was to immediately jot down:

The situation. What was I doing beforehand? What happened? When did it happen and where?
My response. What did I do because of the “thing” that happened?
The outcome. What did I get for my response?

At first I balked. Like, you want me to write down all this information every time I eat a f*cking M&M?

I put it off for a couple of days—but after finding myself in the pantry both days, I figured, “Why not?” I guess let’s, yeah … track every time I wander to the pantry to eat an M&M.

So I did. I followed Trevor’s advice. Whenever I’d find myself in that pantry, I’d immediately take notes.

I’d write down what was going on before I got up to visit the pantry (situation), what I was doing in the pantry (my response), and what I got out of it (the outcome).

I made quite a few entries. Here’s what a few of them looked like:

Two months later, I’d lost double digits in weight. I was lighter, faster—and ready for my Misogi (remember The Rules).

And I’ve kept the weight off and feel and perform better overall.

Why it works

Section summary: The situation-response-outcome model gives you factual data. Otherwise, you’re pulling from memory—and memory is often wrong.

The reason this worked is simple: I thought I knew why I ate crap in the pantry, and it turns out I didn't. And I only figured out the real “why” after tracking what I did.

The situation-response-outcome log showed me that I was using food to deal with stress like deadlines or a sick dog, or reward myself after completing stressful work tasks. It was like M&Ms were cheap, OTC Xanax (stress eating is a certifiable *thing,* even though it’s arguably at odds with our evolutionary history).

In that sense, my pantry raids did solve my stress problem—but only in the short term. And they caused a longer-term problem.

“This makes observation so fruitful,” said Trevor. “You can see how getting these small rewards now interferes with big rewards later.”

In this case, small rewards impeded my ability to take on epic challenges outdoors to the best of my ability and stay safe while doing them (and feel better day to day).

Now that I knew the situations that led me to the pantry by accident, I could use that information to break the chain and do something better on purpose.

I’d listen to my favorite band or take my dog for a quick walk. Or, in the case of late-night deadlines, I at least knew doing something other than writing would make my problem worse.

The walks were especially powerful. They relieved more stress and got me closer to my goal by burning calories rather than onboarding them. (Not to mention, they got me far away from the pantry.)

And I’d bring my dog on those walks, which kept him healthier, too.

Now I don’t need to keep the log. I just go for a walk or listen to music in situations when I’d would have headed to the pantry.

I’ve now applied the situation-response-outcome process to my workouts, deciding which jobs to take for work, and much more.

Memory fuels our bad habits

Another reason the technique works is this: When we do something we regret, we look back into our memory and try to figure out why we did the regretful thing.

In my case, I’d eat pantry junk then later on work back and concoct misinformation like “you were probably hungry.”

But our memory is good in some ways but really bad in others. For example, we forget details, we make up why we did something, we fill in gaps with what sounds good, we remember stuff in ways that make us look good, and on and on. Plenty of research has shown the various fallacies with our memory.

But our poor memories propagate our bad habits—bad memories dump lighter fluid onto our bad habits and make them harder to change.

This is why it’s important to write stuff down as it happens. Trevor put it beautifully:

It turns out you don't have to remember things if you write them down, and if you don't have to remember things, then you won't remember them wrong.

“The funny part about all of this,” he later told me, “is that you’re already an expert at tracking information in real time. You’ve done thousands of expert interviews. Imagine if you recorded none of them. You’ve read thousands of studies. Imagine if you wrote down none of their facts or conclusions. Now imagine if you tried to remember all the details days, weeks, months, or years later.”

He wasn’t wrong—taking detailed notes and recordings in the moment are my work’s lifeline. If I didn’t do that, I’d just be making shit up.

“You already have all the tools,” he said. “So you might as well use them in other areas that will help you.”

And the same goes for you.

You probably already track all sorts of things in your life in real time, whether you realize it or not (for example, your spending habits, your sales figures at work, your running or rucking miles).

So apply that same process of observation using situation-response-outcome to anything else you want to change—and you’ll get factual information that allows you to change.

Here’s a template so you can connect the dots yourself:

Have fun, don’t die, connect the dots.

-Michael

3 steps to build good habits

A proven and powerful process to reach your goals and change your life.

Post summary

Housekeeping

Audio/podcast version

The post

The life-changing power of S-R-O

Why it works

Memory fuels our bad habits

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